The touching, inspiring, and illuminating story of three generations coming to terms with Alzheimer’s.
“Benz leaves no omen or obstacle, no obligation or observance, and no emotion—from joy to devastation—untouched.”
— Deborah Mantella, author of My Sweet Vidalia
Reviews
“Thoughtful research and beautifully examined emotions offer a full, compelling view of Alzheimer’s.
The author opens her narrative by challenging readers to reconsider what they see when looking at a “beloved stranger,” her affecting term for a loved one who has been afflicted with Alzheimer’s. For Benz, her mother’s diagnoses—first mild cognitive impairment in 2008, and then Alzheimer’s a year later—were the latest in a series of gut punches to the family. “Generations of Alzheimer’s runs through my blood,” the author writes, describing how her grandmother, whom she called Ma, succumbed to the disease. Benz writes in an understated but powerful voice as she thoroughly examines the effects of Alzheimer’s from all angles, acknowledging the absurdity and even occasional moments of humor in dealing with a loved one caught in what she calls the “otherworldly ‘dementia dimension.’” In describing her own emotional state, Benz crafts some truly beautiful turns of phrase: “Dust and dirt were spinning around us in a cataclysmic vacuum of struggle and loss,” she writes. “But, occasionally, the sun’s rays broke through.” The author’s extensive research into the disease gives her great authority when discussing it. Her narrative is filled with quiet, simple moments that she imbues with profound meaning, such as simply looking up from a sandwich to see her mother smile, leading the author to vow to be more present and better honor the life in front of her—something she has certainly done with this work.”
“As a general surgeon with more than thirty years of experience in healthcare, I truly believe that this book is a “must-read.” The prevalence of Alzheimer’s disease is such that we will all interact with it at some point in our families or chosen professions. Marianne does a remarkable job of intertwining her personal experiences with her grandmother and mother—and the medical and scientific facts and data about Alzheimer’s disease—in a way that demonstrates the challenges faced by loved ones and caregivers alike. As I read and noted how Benz and her family approached the disease in “Ma” (her grandmother), and her mother completely differently, it reinforced an axiom I have used in caring for my patients over the past three decades—the need to “meet people where they are.” In her case, it truly enabled Benz to describe how her understanding of the challenges allowed her to embrace the love and admiration she had for her mother as she progressed through the stages of the disease. A lesson for all of us…”
“You Were Still Dancing is an honest guide for navigating the rollercoaster ride that is Alzheimer’s. Marianne Benz straps the reader in for the many ups and downs and terrifying loops this tragic condition presents to everyone involved. Benz mixes humor, truth, sadness, and pain as she empties her soul onto the pages of her book and leads her readers down a path of hope with the fighting spirit of a loving daughter who won’t accept NO for her precious mother. Her raw honesty will elicit visceral reactions from readers and allow them to peel away each layer of grief as she details not only her struggles but a tragic history of struggles. As a registered nurse with a history in neuroscience, I praise the level of scientific detail Benz includes about this complex condition. This is a textbook on how to navigate the challenges and horrors of an Alzheimer’s demise. I recommend this book to anyone who seeks acceptance and validation that it is OK to feel a storm of conflicting emotions when caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s.”
“For years I have experienced Marianne’s gift of hospitality. She creates welcoming spaces where others feel seen, wanted, and cared for. She does this in her home. She does this on the go. And now with her book, she’s done it through her life, inviting us into her intimate journey with Alzheimer’s. It’s a generous welcome, and as usual, she makes it accessible and real. On any unknown path with difficult terrain, I look for wise guides. Through this story, Marianne reveals herself as such. She enters courageously with her whole self—mind, heart, body, and world of relationships. Her desire for more, for her mom and herself, is a light that leads her, and us, if we choose to listen, towards exactly that in surprising ways. Marianne shows us what it looks likes on ground level to choose courage and compassion on a journey, while not denying real pain, fear, and loss. Her story gives evidence to the reality that life can come from death, whether that be a literal death or something that feels like a death sentence. And that sometimes this new life emerges by holding on and perhaps more often, by letting go. I leave these pages feeling hopeful and moved by a tenacious love that transforms both those we seek to love well, and ourselves in the process.”
“Despite a heart bursting with mother-daughter love, and a sorely tested spirit, Benz leads her readers forward with the strength and tenacity of a seasoned prima ballerina. Somehow, still light-footed and encouraging, the author acts as both guide and explorer, sharing ups and downs as she narrates a poetic waltz no child wants to imagine, let alone take part in. You Were Still Dancing presents a thoughtfully woven braid of scientific reasoning, spiritual sensitivity, and emotional intelligence, as the author details her own deeply personal saga with her mother’s Alzheimer’s in a straightforward, boots on the ground kind of way. Benz leaves no omen or obstacle, no obligation or observance, and no emotion—from joy to devastation—untouched. An impossibly tough topic handled with stunning clarity and extraordinary grace.”
#1 New Release in Aging Parents on Amazon
In her debut memoir, Marianne Benz shares the hard-fought wisdom acquired, and the surprising joys uncovered, in her lived experiences with her grandmother and mother, to encourage those struggling alongside a loved one with dementia. A Cincinnati native, she moved to Atlanta in the late nineties with her husband and three sons, where most of this story takes place. Marianne is a member of the Atlanta Writers Club and The Authors Guild.
